It’s All About Me!

Today I am going to feel sorry for me. Yes you heard me, it is all about me today. I know there are many people young and old in more severe medical condition than I. For today I’m only thinking of myself. Somehow this doesn’t give me too much comfort. In fact I think it makes me feel worst. So now I’m physically and mentally out of balance. Maybe this feeling sorry for myself isn’t such a great idea. Maybe I need to focus on all the good things in my life , instead of everything I have lost due to my illness .

Yes, I have lost a lot of my mobility. My feet and legs are so swollen, it hurts to put weight on them. That makes walking very painful. The swelling also causes my joints to hurt. I was always a very active on the go person. I am angry I can’t get up and move like I used to. However, I have a husband, right by my side to help me get where I need to be. He pushes me in a wheel chair if needed, and holds me up so I don’t fall. He is the most amazing man. If he’s not there, I have my kids, grandkids, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, and a few great friends ready to do anything to help out. For all of them I am blessed and truly grateful.

My mental health is beginning to be effected by this whole process. I find it harder to maintain a positive attitude. This is where the poor me attitude comes in. I’m trying to turn it all over to God. When things are going good, I’m fine. But, when I start hurting and walking becomes very difficult; I loose sight of my faith in Him. I know this is when I should become stronger in my faith , but that isn’t the way it always works. I will continue to pray for His healing powers. I also know He will never leave my side. He too will carry me through this even if I’m too stubborn to ask.

My grandson Matthew just reminded me that I have so many blessing in my life to be thankful for. Those blessing out weight all the pain and disabilities I might have today. Tomorrow is a new day filled with the hopes of better days ahead. Matthew is a pretty wise kid. I think I should listen to this young man . I think he’ s on to something.


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