My Mind Is Spinning out of Control


I feel like I’m spinning out of control. My mind is stuck on one topic. What is wrong with me? Why can’t the doctors come up with the answers? It’ s like a nightmare that keeps returning ,repeating the same scene over and over again. I’m trying to concentrate on all the positive things in my life, but my mind keeps going back to the same subject.

It’s like a broken record. I keep going over all the possible things that it could be. Now I’m taking on the doctors roll too. I’ m sure I’ m qualified to do so; after all I do have an imaginary Internet degree in medicine.

My so called Internet knowledge has provided me with a vast wealth of medical information. As I sort through all the symptoms that apply to me; my mind goes wild with the endless possibilities, cancer, heart , kidney, liver, MS, lung disease, the list goes on and on. You just never know , I could have contacted a rare disease during my stay in Turkey, or Guam. Great, now I have another thing to worry about.

My dear husband and children are worried about me. That is the last thing I want then to do. I think it is time I hang up my doctor’s shingle, and allow God and the other doctors to take over. The Internet is a valuable tool, if used correctly, and in the right frame of mind.

I did receive good news from my family doctor today, I have improved my blood sugars tremendously, and lost six pounds in two weeks. He has scheduled me with a lymphedema specialist to reduce the swelling in my legs. I also have appointments with a pulmonary doctor, and an endocrinologist. Dr. John has been working so hard on my case. He refuses to give up on me. So, I know I can’t give up on me either.

I was blessed to see my Baby Boy Larry on Tuesday and Wednesday evening. He was in a class at Fort Leavenworth. Garry, Lorrie, Matthew and I had dinner with him and Rick a co-worker of his. We had meet Rick in Georgia earlier this year. Rick’s a super nice guy, that we really enjoy spending time with. Garry and I can’t wait until we can visit the kids and all our new friends in Georgia.

I am feeling better now that I have got this load off my chest. I think less time surfing the net and more time thanking God for all my blessing is in order. I also need be more patient. I am getting better and stronger, it is just a very slow process. My goal is the be able to visit the kids in Georgia for Thanksgiving. With God by my side that can and will happen.

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