It’s two in the morning, and I’m about to begin the second day into our 45 years of marriage. God has certainly blessed me with the most perfect husband . After all these years he still makes my heart skip a beat when he enters the room. The years has flown by so fast it’s hard to believe it’s been 45 years since that cold night in November when we took our vows at the Reverend Thomas Dyer’s house in Odessa. Both sides of our families were there to witness the happy event. The wedding ceremony lasted only a few minutes. We didn’t repeat the customary vows, just simply said I do. The highlight of the evening for our guest was when Garry let out some choice cuss words when he couldn’t get the ring on my finger, and as I put my arms around his neck for the official kiss, my very short , short, dress hiked up above my panties. My sister-in law Darlene said it took longer to get her two kids in the car than it took Reverend Dyer to marry us. It might have been an abbreviated ceremony, but one that started an amazing journey between two people in love.
We started our married life in Missouri. After two years Garry enlisted in the Air Force where we lived in Texas, Georgia, Turkey, back to Texas, Colorado, Guam and our last move back home to Missouri in 1993. Those were some busy years raising our family with very little money , but we had an abundance of love.
The kids married and blessed us with eight grandchildren. Now that’s when we received our rewards for all the years of struggles during the early times of our marriage.
Now it’s just the two of us , however we are not really alone, our two dog-boys, Dogger and Max lives with us too. Our house is too quite at times. We miss the sound of the TV blasting away while the kids are laughing, fighting, and playing in the background.
Our kids have good solid careers , and are busy raising our beautiful grandkids. I am so proud of all the grandchildren. They each have their very own talents, but most of all they love and respect their families.
I’m looking forward to spending the rest of my life with my one and only true love. The past forty five years have been amazing. I wonder what’s in store for us in the future.
02 Aug 2014 Leave a comment
It has been quit some time since I’ve blogged. In fact it has been a long time since I have felt like writing. I’m not even sure I’m ready now. The past months or maybe it’s been several years if I were to be honest, have been a living nightmare. It feels like I’m on a roller coaster ride from hell that has no ending.
This place I have been living is a sad lonely existence. Endless nights and days filled with a body racked in pain, gasping for air, always in search of a comfortable place to sit, lay, or walk. Every night I try sleeping in my bed with the C-PAP machine. I wake up after about an hour. My body has stiffened up so much I can hardly get out of bed. Then I walk into the kitchen. The most comfortable place seems to be perched on the end of a chair, sitting straight up. Then as total exhaustion consumes me, I find myself falling asleep. I jerk awake catching myself from falling out of the chair. One day I might not be so lucky. The extra padding I’m carrying around might not prevent me from getting hurt. That’s something I don’t need another thing added to the ever growing list of health issues. Then the cycle begins. I go back to bed for a few minutes until I wake up in pain and can’t breeth, then back to the kitchen or recliner in the living room. Every night it’s the same routine. Kind of like the movie Groundhog Day. The same scene keeps repeating itself.
My personality is changing right along with my health. For over forty-four years Garry and I have been blessed with a good loving marriage . Now I find myself being mean and hateful to him for no reason. I try not to act this way, but more times than not, this ugly side of me wins over. In turn Garry has taken on some my negative attitudes. We find ourselves bickering over things that don’t mean a hill of beans. I never dreamed one day we would be the old cranky couple that made people uncomfortable to be around us because of our contestant bickering.
On the 18th of August I will be having the gastric bypass surgery. All my doctors agree this is the one thing that will help restore my health. They say I have a 98% chance the diabetes will go into remission. I should be off all diabetic medications and insulin. The lymphedema should greatly improve, as with all the other health issues. Due to my health the operation is high risk, however if I choose not to have the operation chances are my life expectancy is less than a year. For that reason alone, I’m proceeding on with the surgery. I have the best surgeon in the Kansas City area. I’m confident he’s going to do everything in his power to make this operation a success.
My grandson Garrison recently wrote me a letter saying, it will be six months before I see you. In that time you will be getting skinny. Then you will be able to walk and play with us again. We will be going to the beach, and we will boogie board together. His words gave me the motivation to make it happen. I may never be back to where I was before, but I will be walking, playing, and boogie boarding with those grand babies. I have so much to look forward to. The future looks brighter each day. I better pull out the old swimming suite and get ready for the beach. The Gulf Shores and Hawaii here I come.
06 May 2014 Leave a comment
For today I am grateful for so many
12 Mar 2014 Leave a comment
During the past few years I have increased my medical knowledge through the wonders of internet Googling. I have been told by more than one doctor to put the IPad down and leave the doctoring to someone who has a real doctors’ licenses. They do not think me surfing the internet qualifies me as an internet certified doctor. What do they know? I have found more possible answered to my health issues than they ever came up with. Does it really matter that most, or all of my diagnosis were not even close to what was wrong with me. The way I look at it surfing the net keeps me busy on those long lonely nights I’m awake while the rest of the world is sleeping. However I have found a few of my friends on Facebook must have some sleeping issues too because they can be seen playing games in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow that’s comforting knowing I’m not the only one up. Also the more slots they play, the more free points I get. It’s a win win situation.
After one of the Mayo Clinic visits I was diagnosed with sever sleep apnea. I already knew that since it was previously found way back in 1996. The problem was I did not use the CPAP machine for the majority of the years following the original diagnosed. As a result , I have paid the price for my stupidity. It is a fact that untreated sleep apnea can result in heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and many other health issues. I know this played a major role in my current health situation. Now I’m pro-active in trying to adjust to using the CPAP machine, exercising, and living a healthier life style. I wish I hadn’t waited until it almost killed me before I decided to do what I should have done in the first place.
The road the better health is going to take time. The progress is extremely slow. Sometimes it’s hard to see any progress at all, and sometimes I take two steps backwards and get a baby step forward in return. But I will keep on trying, since the alternative is not very appealing .
Remember to take whatever diagnoses the doctor gives you seriously. The health issues doesn’t magically go away, no matter how hard we try to ignore them. I will trust in God to give me the strength I need to get me through this. All things is possible through Him.
11 Mar 2014 1 Comment
What does family mean to me? My being a part of a family began sixty years ago when my Momma gave birth to me in an old iron bed on a farm south of Napoleon Missouri. The act of her giving birth didn’t automatically make me a part of that family. It was the unconditional love of my mother that started my legacy in the family. From the beginning I was blessed with both parents, a sister, a brother, and three years later, a bonus , a baby sister.
There was never a time I questioned their love for me. My Daddy was closer to the two older sibling, while Momma had me and Bettie clinging tightly to her apron strings. I have to admit I was a Momma’s girl. She always made me feel special. But she was equally proud of her three daughters.
At sixteen I married the love of my life, and became a Barker woman. I suddenly had a mother-in-law, eight brother and sister-in laws, and a host of other Barkers in my life. Did I automatically become a Barker? No , they welcomed me with open arms, but I had a protective wall between me and the family. It has only been in the the past few years that I allowed myself to become a member of this amazing family.
My family grew with the birth of a daughter and son. They in turn blessed us with the best gift of all Grandchildren. Now I had a loving loyal husband, two fabulous kids, kid in-laws, and grand babies. Then almost twenty years ago my family once again grew with the addition of Rick. I thank God each day for the love this young man has brought into my life. Rick, Melissa, and the grandkids completes what I consider the best family ever.
I pray I will never take my family for granted. I will always love , honor , and respect them for allowing me to be a part of their lives. I am a blessed family woman.
06 Mar 2014 1 Comment
We all knew I was Momma’s baby girl, until she came along when I was three years old. Then all her attention was given to the new baby Bettie. I always managed to worm my way to be safely tucked under her one free arm. The poor woman never has a moment to her self. I think I even followed her to the outhouse.
The transition into starting school wasn’t an easy one for me. I was the poor white trash kid, that no one wanted to touch let alone play with. It didn’t help I was always sick, and had a snotty nose continually. My clothes and shoes weren’t like the other kids. My Momma always cut our hair herself. I don’t think my bangs were cut straight until I was old enough to pay for my own hair cuts.
One year the Odessa coat factory donated new coats to the children at school that was in need of one. I was so excited, I had never owned any thing new, let a lone a new coat. I was called up to the principles office to be fit for the coat. They handed me the most gorgeous coat I had ever seen. It was pure white and made of the softest fake fur. It even has a hand muff to match. It was a few sizes too big, but I didn’t care, it was perfect. I worn that coat with pride every day. It wasn’t long before my beautiful white coat became dirty and stained. We lived in an old farm house that was heated with wood that created soot everywhere. Also a six year old girl that plays outside with the many dogs, cats, goats and any other animal I could get my hands on, couldn’t keep anything nice and clean. If we didn’t have the money to buy a coat, then we certainly couldn’t afford to have the coat dry cleaned. So my once beautiful white coat became another source to be made fun of.
One day I returned home from school to find my little sister had her arm bandaged. She had slipped on ice on the front porch and fell on a jar cutting her arm. We didn’t have a phone and my dad was in the fields working, so momma picked Bettie up in her arms, and carried her up the long hill to Mrs, Colvins. They went to old Doc Martin’s in Odessa to get her wound sewed up. I was worried sick about my little sisters arm. I guess I had grown pretty fond of that baby who was taking all my attention from momma. My Sis and I had often wondered why momma carried her all the way up the hill. The adrenaline must have kicked in for her to been able to carry her that far. There is no bounds to what a mothers love can do.
My husband was talking the other day about my can do attitude. It got me thinking about my Momma. That amazing woman would take old scraps of material and make mittens for us kids to keep our hands warm in the winter. She reworked old dresses turning them into dresses that fit us to wear to school. She dumped flour , lard, baking powders , and milk into a bowel making the best biscuits and gravy I have ever ate.
I was blessed to have a Momma that showed me a can do attitude. I am even prouder when people say I am a lot like. I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather be like.
24 Feb 2014 Leave a comment
At one time my blog was sub titled “The world According to Babe, the good, the bad, and the sometimes funny. Lately it takes everything I’ve got in me to find the good, and humorous side of my life. In all fairness I know how truly blessed I am. I have the most amazing family . They constantly shower me with love and encouragement. They bend over backwards to make my life easier. More times than I like to admit they are thanked with a very nasty mean spirited tone to my voice. Why am I so hateful to the ones I love the most? This is the not so pretty side of me that I am trying to get under control.
What is the driving force contributing to this behavior? Is it the never ending health issues? I’m sure that is a factor, however some things has recently improved . Thanks to the pumps, the swelling in my legs have gone down greatly. I have continued the exercise program given to me by the physical therapist , and in addition I am now up to 20 minutes a day on the recumbent bike. The pumping combined with exercising has helped with mobility and pain control.
The new CPAP machine with all the high tech accessories is a work in progress. I find it extremely difficult to tolerate the high pressure setting. I don’t think I will never like that damn machine, but I know it is vital that I continue breathing at night. I have to have the mask strapped on so tight , it bruises my nose and cheeks . The other night the pressure had built up in the mask . I woke up when the mask blew off my face. See I found a little humor in this story.
I’m tired of being in constant pain. The Mayo Clinic diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I always thought that was a catch all disease that doctors used when they had no idea what was causing the pain. I’m still not convinced that is the issue. In April I return to the Mayo for four days of classes on managing fibromyalgia without the use of drugs. I’m all for learning everything I can to make my life more tolerable.
For the time being I am in search for a place to sit, lay, or stand that is comfortable. A place that makes breathing easier, without feeling like I have a ton of bricks on my chest. A place I can lay more than a few minute without my extremities becoming stiff making any movement extremely difficult, and painful. A place I can fall asleep without the fear of waking up gasping for air.
How about a place where I stop complaining on the negativity and start thanking God for all the wonderful blessing he has so abundantly gave to me. I am so impatient. I want my life back, and I want it right now. I have to trust in God that he knows what is best for me and accept whatever that may be.