It has been quit some time since I’ve blogged. In fact it has been a long time since I have felt like writing. I’m not even sure I’m ready now. The past months or maybe it’s been several years if I were to be honest, have been a living nightmare. It feels like I’m on a roller coaster ride from hell that has no ending.
This place I have been living is a sad lonely existence. Endless nights and days filled with a body racked in pain, gasping for air, always in search of a comfortable place to sit, lay, or walk. Every night I try sleeping in my bed with the C-PAP machine. I wake up after about an hour. My body has stiffened up so much I can hardly get out of bed. Then I walk into the kitchen. The most comfortable place seems to be perched on the end of a chair, sitting straight up. Then as total exhaustion consumes me, I find myself falling asleep. I jerk awake catching myself from falling out of the chair. One day I might not be so lucky. The extra padding I’m carrying around might not prevent me from getting hurt. That’s something I don’t need another thing added to the ever growing list of health issues. Then the cycle begins. I go back to bed for a few minutes until I wake up in pain and can’t breeth, then back to the kitchen or recliner in the living room. Every night it’s the same routine. Kind of like the movie Groundhog Day. The same scene keeps repeating itself.
My personality is changing right along with my health. For over forty-four years Garry and I have been blessed with a good loving marriage . Now I find myself being mean and hateful to him for no reason. I try not to act this way, but more times than not, this ugly side of me wins over. In turn Garry has taken on some my negative attitudes. We find ourselves bickering over things that don’t mean a hill of beans. I never dreamed one day we would be the old cranky couple that made people uncomfortable to be around us because of our contestant bickering.
On the 18th of August I will be having the gastric bypass surgery. All my doctors agree this is the one thing that will help restore my health. They say I have a 98% chance the diabetes will go into remission. I should be off all diabetic medications and insulin. The lymphedema should greatly improve, as with all the other health issues. Due to my health the operation is high risk, however if I choose not to have the operation chances are my life expectancy is less than a year. For that reason alone, I’m proceeding on with the surgery. I have the best surgeon in the Kansas City area. I’m confident he’s going to do everything in his power to make this operation a success.
My grandson Garrison recently wrote me a letter saying, it will be six months before I see you. In that time you will be getting skinny. Then you will be able to walk and play with us again. We will be going to the beach, and we will boogie board together. His words gave me the motivation to make it happen. I may never be back to where I was before, but I will be walking, playing, and boogie boarding with those grand babies. I have so much to look forward to. The future looks brighter each day. I better pull out the old swimming suite and get ready for the beach. The Gulf Shores and Hawaii here I come.